Lately I have been suffering through an identity crisis. I thought this only happened when you hit 50! Probably every mother has found themselves in the same predicament. It must just be my time. How do I be wife, woman, mom,...and all the other roles I am carrying? How do I float between the practical world of being a mom covered in yogurt handprints and toting diapers and cheerios to the trendy world of being a woman that many of my friends still occupy? They wear their cute trendy clothes and perfect accessories (I've given up wearing earrings altogether for a while for fear of getting my ears ripped off). They're wonderful people, don't get me wrong. I love them dearly and am not trying to insult them, but how do I fit into that? Mostly I feel ridiculous or frumpy...
And most recently there is the whole battle of exercise. I feel the lack of it in my daily routine - in my body. I want to be doing something, but I want it to naturally fit with my schedule, personality, and most of all - budget. It should not be so expensive to stay fit!! So how do I fit all these things in my life, and how do I embody all of these things and still be...me. And who am I anymore, anyway.
8 comments:
Using the analogy of the merry-go-round...Elinore is on your side of it right now. Before you know it, she will be on the far side, and she won't need your constant encouragement, guidance, etc. She'll be able to manage on the horse all by herself. If you've been able to be there for her while she's close by, you will have no regrets (and you can wear earrings again:) Being a woman has always been complicated--all the way back to the Garden of Eden, but it's an incredible, fascinating journey. Mom W.
Wonderful picture!
Jen, you are doing a beautiful job in all your different roles, as woman, wife, mother... just remember to set aside enough time for yourself, so you never lose touch with who you are, especially now with so many changes going on. I can relate with your sense of loss - that carefree young adulthood stage of life sometimes sounds pretty darn good (especially when so many friends are still living it)... but the grass is always greener. You have something they don't have. Even if it comes with yogurt handprints and scattered Cheerios! Well.. you know that, and I know you well enough to know that you aren't taking any of it for granted. It's just tough trying to occupy two different worlds... the merry-go-round sure is beautiful though, isn't it?
identity crisis -- yep, can relate. mine started more after the birth of my second child and i think it is still going...
on feeling frumpy and desperately needing exercise -- yep, can definitely relate there, too. i wish we lived closer because i am looking for a walking buddy!
on wearing earrings -- for some reason, my earrings have gotten longer and more dangly (is that a word?) with each child... i CAN relate, however, to worrying at times about getting my earlobes ripped off...
but seriously, we should chat sometime. you are not alone.
I'm not going to lie - it is rather reassuring to read that someone who has most of thing things that one is supposed to have by age 26 - namely a family, a child, a loving spouse, roots - is still having moments of existential crisis. I picked up a great book the other day - "It's a Wonderful Lie" - about life in your 20s and how it's so idealized; like everything is supposed to crystalize in front of you and make things simple. And the simple thing is (no pun intended) that nothing is ever simple. It only looks that way when you're not living it. The reality is messy and difficult and full of yogurt fingerprints or questions, either literal or metaphorical uncertainties. And it's so difficult and so overwhelming and so frustrating... until you realize that if everything just stopped... if for once everything was simple... what would be the point? Life kind of loses its meaning the moment it becomes mechanical, easy. And that makes you happy, even when you want to climb the walls or scream to the sky or cry your heart out. Because those are the moments when you're really ALIVE -- when you're yearning or hoping or mourning or appreciating. And as long as they keep coming, you're not wrong.
Love, Nen
Dearest Jen
I love the picture of the merry go round as so often it can feel like that, the mundane week to week schedule that you feel tied to and sometime constrained by.
Funny how we always think that life is greener on the other side though. I came away from lunch with you guys in December yearning for and a little bit jealous of the life and love that you, Kevin and Elinore share with one another. I yearned for that security and protection; those roots and the fulfillment that can come with. But then I know there are so many of my married friends who would love to be able to go out for dinner when they want, or to the movies, not have to work things around a baby sitter or just have the energy to desire to do something other than an early night!
Somehow it's combining everything that we've been called to, fulfilling it, yet never forgetting that our identity first and foremost is in being a child of God.
May you know his peace in your heart in every role you play.
~blessings~
Jen,
Eric & I really know how you feel. My time as a stay-at-home mom only was a real time of identity crisis for me and Eric says the same of his two-year stay-at-home dad/student stint. Without a recognized place in the rest of the world we both felt adrift and a little bit invisible. We both agreed being a stay-at-home parent was much harder than going to work every day. It required greater patience, reliance on God and strength of character. May God help you in the good works he prepared you for.
Hi again -
this is my basic way of contacting you since I don't have your e-mail address or anything! We should get together sometime. E-mail me (mindy@denningsworld.com) your info so we can plan something!
Thanks to everyone who responded. It is nice to know you all care about me so much. And when you think you don't have any friends...there they are!! I think bit by bit I will continue to fine balance in my life.
Blessings
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