Quiet Dark

Most of the time I look at Toby I think, "Wow, he is getting so big!" He crawls, he stands (and he's been practicing with no hands), he's got four teeth with more on the way, he doesn't want baby food anymore - just finger food... I can't believe how quickly a year is creeping up on us.

A couple months ago he gave up his bedtime nursing. I was kind of surprised; that is usually one of the last ones to be dropped, but I think he was just too full from dinner to get anything out of it. In its place I started a "dream feed". Each night as I am going to bed I wake him and nurse him. He really stays half asleep and most of the time doesn't even open his eyes. It has been very convenient. I don't have to worry about him taking a bottle if someone else has to put him to bed. It makes it much easier for me to put both kids to bed if I need to do it by myself.

During the day when Tobin nurses, he spends half of his time playing with/pulling my hair, he kicks his legs around, he uses his free arm to thump my chest. In essence he is always moving. BUT, for his dream feed, he lays very still in my arms - half asleep. It reminds me of when he was a newborn and I had to tickle his feet to keep him awake while he nursed. I can't help but look at him and think, "You are so small, lying here in my arms." It has turned into one of my favorite times of the day. I spend those ten minutes rocking in the quiet dark with my boy, cherishing how small he is, and knowing that he will grow so fast. It brings tears to my eyes as I write this. I never imagined that my heart would be so intertwined with a little boy's. My sweet boy.