A while ago (I think it was in the fall) I posted about my "identity crisis". It isn't something that bothers me or makes me cry, but something I don't completely understand. I feel like this is a growing season. When you have a kid and everything that mattered before suddenly does a 180, what is left? Who am I anyway?
I feel myself called to be a wife and mother. When I think about all of the things I can do, those are the two things that I really want to do well. And I don't feel like it is a season, I feel like that will be my life's work. And yet it sometimes seems to pale in comparison with other "callings". People who are called to teach, or to medicine or to help the poor, whereas I just stay in my comfortable house and..."play". I know that it is important (or course it is), and I keep reminding myself that it is a valid calling.
My friend Becky lent me a book last night that she had just finished and said I had to read. It is a MOPS book (Mothers of Preschoolers - an international group that I attend a local chapter of and love). I have to admit, my expectations were low. 1. I've been avoiding most books in the "self-help" category for awhile and 2. I am skeptical of these religious organization books (it is a business, after all). I had some time alone this morning thanks to a friend who watches Elinore on Tuesday mornings for me, so I started the book. Wow. I am so excited to read it. I would even like to do it as a study with other moms! It would be so good to talk about/process this with other women! Anyway, the book is called What Every Mom Needs, and I just wanted to include a little excerpt from what I read this morning:
"While some organizations focus on making a better world for their children, at MOPS International, we put our focus on making better children for our world. Going a step further, we believe that better moms make better children.
Mothering matters not only to the child and to the mother, but also to the world in which they live. As Leo Tolstoy observed in The Lion and the Honeycomb, 'Yes, women, mothers, in your hands more than in those of anyone else lies the salvation of the world.' "
I had not thought that far. I had only gotten to the "mothering matters to my child and to me" part. Now I feel empowered and excited. My calling can/will make a difference. I don't know if this makes any sense to anyone but me, but I suddenly feel a bit more sure of myself (even if I feel slightly more intimidated!).
ps - if anyone wants to read it with me...
3 comments:
I'm so glad you decided to give the book a "chance." We never know just what will resonate with us on a given day. Since mothering is such an intense, delayed gratification type of calling, you will probably need to read an encouraging book every few months. I read something once about your child being "a letter that you are sending to the future, to be opened and read by people you may never meet." I wish I could remember it exactly, but I never forgot about the importance of being able to help mold a child who will grow up and be a blessing to others. I pray every day for the three young mothers in our family who are busy "crafting letters."
I think it's interesting that inherent in the "better children/better world" rationale is the necessity of raising your kids with a sense of local/national/(ideally)global citizenship. It's remarkable how many people I've encountered who don't have a sense of, "I need to give back to the world." In fact, it's amazing how many people operate under the delusion that the world owes them something -- for having done NOTHING. I call it the entitlement complex, and it makes people insufferable. Both the "haves" and the "have nots" suffer from this complex, although its source is different -- the haves are used to getting benefits without much effort; the have-nots see the haves living "the easy life" and feel like they deserve it, too -- for the same amount of exertion. It's a stupid, self-destructive cycle, since as the Barenaked Ladies sagely sang, "Nothing worth having comes without some kind of fight." Anyway, I know that you will pass on your sense of global citizenship to Ella Bella (the fact that you have these kinds of identity crises/"am I doing enough?" introspective moments is a clear indication that you feel some sort of obligation to the world beyond your own personal gratification) and that alone will make her a worthwhile person who makes the world a better place. Can't wait to see the three of you in April! xxoo, Nen
I am not yet a mother, so while I can think about your identity crisis, I cannot fully put myself in your shoes. I hope that book turns out to be as great and the beginning was! What a great perspective...not just forming your child, but forming the world through her! I hope you get more peace and time to read!!
Jen
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